


I Want You Here With Me

by ianclaytongallagher



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: M/M, i can't go long without writing angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 15:06:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9240596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ianclaytongallagher/pseuds/ianclaytongallagher
Summary: Isak is at school when he gets the call. He cannot answer it in class, but he watches it go to voicemail and the banner show up alerting him that he has received a new message.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I can't write anything unless it's angsty. I apologize in advance. It's what I thrive on and what gives me ideas. Also, I obviously enjoy pain.

 

 

 

Isak is at school when he gets the call.

 

He cannot answer it in class, but he watches it go to voicemail and the banner show up alerting him that he has received a new message.

 

He notices right away that it is from Even’s mother and he just _knows_ it cannot be good.

 

He stands abruptly and despite the teacher calling after him, asking him where he is going, he heads straight out the door and into the hallway.

 

Bracing himself against the cold wall, he listens to the voicemail, mentally cursing to himself.

 

Even’s mom sounds like she's trying to be pleasant, but an undertone of stress is audible.

 

Isak thinks maybe she’s trying not to freak him out. Not that that was possible when you are listening to a message about your boyfriend having to be hospitalized after a manic episode.

 

_Jesus Christ_.

 

Class ends minutes after he had walked outside and the hallways begin to fill with teenagers.

 

Isak knows he should not, but he decides to ditch his last class and google the address to the hospital. He goes straight to his locker to grab his stuff and by a stroke of luck, or maybe just ordinary coincidence, Jonas is by his locker as well.

 

“Hey,” Isak is breathless and he realizes he had been holding it. Or not breathing correctly. Or something. “I need to ask a favor.”

 

“What’s up?” Jonas asked. “You look a little…”

 

Isak gulps and swallows too much air and he cannot talk right away.

 

Jonas does not finish his sentence, but Isak knows what he means. Oh, the perks of being best friends with someone over the years.

 

“Can I borrow your bike?” Isak just spits it out.

 

He knows the tram will take way too long to get to his destination. He does not have 40+ minutes to bullshit around on public transportation.

 

Jonas does not even miss a beat.

 

“Yeah, sure.” He replies. “…Is it Even?”

 

Isak nods quickly and Jonas reaches for the key to his bike lock and hands it over without any sort of hesitation.

 

“How will you get home?” Isak asks, accepting the key and gripping it tightly like it is the most important thing in the world. Right now it is.

 

“I’ll figure something out. Let me know what’s up when you can.” Jonas smiles easily. Then he widens his eyes and makes a shooing motion. “Well, go!”

 

“Right.” Isak says and turns to bolt toward the door. As he is leaving he calls a thank you over his shoulder to Jonas, but never stops moving.

 

Isak fumbles with the lock on Jonas's bicycle, hands shaking. When he finally gets it open, he tucks the lock and key inside his jacket pocket and hops onto the seat.

 

He honestly thinks he pedals so fast he makes it to his destination in 25 minutes. He is not completely sure because there is no time to check his phone. Sweat is pouring down his face and he does not even care. The only thing—or more specifically, person—consuming his thoughts is Even.

 

_Even Bech Næsheim_.

 

He phones Even’s mom when he makes his way through the front doors of the facility. The personnel are not going to let him just waltz back into Even’s room, he knows that. Even’s mom appears after a few minutes and wraps Isak in a hug which he awkwardly returns. She lies for him, telling the staff that he is her other son and thankfully, they believe it.

 

Isak finds himself wondering if it is even normal visiting hours.

 

When they enter his room, Isak can clearly see that Even is knocked out in his hospital bed.

 

“What did they do?” Isak asks trying not to panic. “Did they sedate him?”

 

His mom shakes her head and puts her hand on his shoulder.

 

“Not exactly.” She said. “They gave him a big dose of medicine to calm him down, and sometimes that medicine can make you sleepy. He’s all right.”

 

The next thing Isak knows, he is slipping off his shoes and climbing right up into the bed with Even. He has no qualms about that and Even’s mother does not stop him either. She just sits on a chair near the door quietly.

 

Isak nestles down right next to him and reaches out to stroke his hair. He runs his thumb over his lips. Even is breathing soft and even and it does seem as though he is just resting peacefully.

 

He wants to ask Even’s mom how long he has been like this. He wants to ask what Even had been doing before he was admitted to the hospital. But then again, he is not sure he is ready to hear it. What ultimately keeps him from asking is not wanting to break the silence. Even looks so angelic and untroubled at the moment.

 

When Even does wake up, it is a little more violent than Isak was expecting. Even’s body jerks, similar to the way a person might when they awake from a dream where they have just fallen or tripped.

 

Even’s eyes look around the room and when he sees Isak, he looks both startled and baffled at once. He just kind of stares at him unblinkingly.

 

“Hi, baby.” Isak’s voice comes out soft and soothing.

 

Even starts to sit up after that.

 

“Where am I?” He asks, and for a moment Isak gets scared that he possibly blacked out during his bout of mania.

 

“The hospital, dear.” His mom tells him gently.

 

He looks over at his mother and suddenly it seems like everything is starting to come back to him because he falls back against the bed again and closes his eyes, letting out a long sigh.

 

“You’re okay…” Isak tells him reassuringly.

 

“When did you get here?” Even asks, his eyes still completely shut.

 

“Not too long ago.” Isak tells him. “Your mom called me.”

 

“You shouldn’t be here.” Even insists.

 

“Where else would I be?” Isak replies resolutely.

 

It is phrased as a question, but they both know it is far from it.

 

Isak watches Even’s tongue slip out of his mouth to wet his lips, but his eyes stay closed.

 

“It’s wrong for you to be here.” Even says and swallows. “I hate that you have to see me this way, especially in a place like this.”

 

“It’s not wrong.” Isak says matter-of-factly. “This is where I should be. With you.”

 

Even sighs again.

 

“We should get out of here.” He says starting to sit up once more. “I want to get out of here.”

 

“Even,” His mom says and she sounds gentle yet firm. “They want you to speak with a therapist and psychiatrist before you can check out.”

 

“No.” Even insists. “No… no therapists. No counseling. None of that. I want to get out of here and go home. I’m not staying here.”

 

“Even…” His mother begins. “You can’t go home if you’re still depressive. I don’t want you to hurt yourself. I love you and I want to help.”

 

_Hurt yourself_.

 

That implication gives Isak a very, very good idea of what Even might have been doing… or about to do before his mom had taken him here.

 

“If you want to help me, you’ll take me out of this place.” Even replies.

 

“Hey,” Isak says.  Even either ignores him or does not hear him altogether.

 

“Hey, you.” Isak repeats. He reaches for Even’s chin and turns his head toward him so they are face to face. “Look at me.”

 

Even swallows and meets Isak’s green eyes.

 

“No one can hold you anywhere against your will.” He tells him. “But if… if what your mom is saying is true... if you’re going to hurt yourself… if you were going to… it might be best for you to stay here for a little while.”

 

Even shakes his head.

 

“I’m not.” He says softly and looks down. “I won’t. I just… I can’t miss more school and… I just need some sleep.”

 

“At least agree to talk to the therapist and psychiatrist because they’re not going to want to release you until you do.” Isak points out.

 

“Why?” Even laughs bitterly. “So they can _evaluate_ me?”

 

He says it in such a ‘been there, done that’ way, Isak gets the impression that this is not his first trip to the hospital.

 

“I’ll be here.” Isak tells him. “Even if they try to kick me out. I’ll stay around. I’m not going to leave you.”

 

Even expels a harsh puff of air from his lungs.

 

“You really don’t know how this works, do you?” He says and he still has his eyes downcast.

 

“Do I need to?” Isak asks, always talking big in his Isak way. “Fuck protocol.”

 

He sees a tiny, tiny smile tugging at Even’s lips.

 

“And if all else fails, maybe I’ll just run around naked and they’ll have to admit me too.” He tells him entirely straight-faced.

 

Finally the smile spreads to fill Even’s face completely and he lifts his head to look Isak in the eye. His lips part and a small, genuine laugh comes out of his mouth.

 

“Look at that.” Isak beams. “He laughs.”

 

“That joke is getting old.” Even insists, rolling his eyes, but there is still a hint of a grin on his face.

 

Isak reaches out and cups his hand around Even’s cheek.

 

“They’ll suggest I stay.” Even says after a moment of quiet. “They’ll suggest I stay for at least five to seven days. All the group therapy and counseling and strict medicating bullshit.”

 

Isak licks his lips and thinks for a moment. He does not question Even because well, this was not a first for him. He knows much more about this than Isak does, he was very right about that.

 

“Then, I’ll come visit you everyday. Whenever visiting hours are, I’ll be there.” Isak tells him. “I can bring your schoolwork. Just tell me what classes, I’ll get it from your teachers.”

 

Even sighs again and he sounds resigned.

 

“I know you don’t want to be here.” His mom says. “Is there anything we can do for you to help make this a little easier?”

 

Even shakes his head silently.

 

“I’d say food, but we know that’s not allowed.” He says, eyes closing once more.

 

“Why not?” Isak asks softly.

 

“Because they keep you on a strict diet here.” He replies, eyelashes fluttering. “Well, they do have a menu to choose from.” He amends.

 

“Sounds accommodating.” Isak grins and elbows him lightly, playfully.

 

Even snorts softly and turns onto his side so he can face Isak properly.

 

"Oh yeah, I come here for the amenities." He replies sarcastically.

 

Isak wonders if the would-be laugh is only for his benefit. Isak knows that Even knows he is just trying to cheer him up.

 

“I’ll come see you everyday.” Isak reiterates and he takes Even’s chin between his fingers, letting his thumb come to rest against the cleft. He's looking into his eyes so close up that all he wants to do is kiss his lips, but he does not. That would be fucking weird in front of Even’s mother. “I promise.” He adds.

 

Even sighs for what seems like the thousandth time.

 

“Okay.” He finally agrees softly.

 

Even leans forward and presses their lips together and Isak guesses he had made the decision about kissing in front of his mom for him, fucking weird or not.

 

*

 

When Even gets out of the hospital, he seems much more stable. He seems sleepy though. He tells Isak that when he is there, they make you get up by a certain time and eat by a certain time, etc etc. He does not say much more about it so Isak does not press the matter.

 

Even naps a lot after they get off of school, and for the most part, Isak snuggles up on his bed with him. Sometimes he sleeps, sometimes he does not, going on his phone to pass the time. He makes sure Even eats when he wakes up.

 

Slowly, but surely though, Even is back to his old self—laughing so hard he cannot keep his eyes open and excessive eyebrow raising back in full effect.

 

But it is not all  Kardemomme, word play, and cuddles.

 

Especially the evening they decide to go out to a party and Isak borrows a jacket from Even in which he finds a joint tucked away in the pocket.

 

Even is teasing him about something, laughing to himself more than anything, his back turned to Isak.

 

Isak holds the joint up pointedly until Even turns around and his laughter slowly dies.

 

“What’s this?” Isak asks him, his face a blank mask.

 

What a stupid question. Of course they both know what it is, but Isak really does not know what else to say.

 

Even swallows and licks his lips.

 

“It’s old.” He lies instantly. “I forgot it was even in there.”

 

Isak lets out a humorless laugh, a scoff in its truest form.

 

“I _bet_ you did.” He replies with emphasis. “Or else you wouldn’t have given me this particular jacket, right?”

 

“It’s old.” Even repeats.

 

Isak does not even _entertain_ the idea that Even is telling the truth. He has been with Even just long enough to know how good of a liar he is, spinning ridiculous stories that are too intricate not to be believed by the average every day person, no matter how wild. But he sees through that now. Isak knows better now.

 

“This is what made you sick, right?” Isak asks in disbelief. “You’ve been smoking, haven’t you?”

 

Even’s tongue slides across his teeth and comes to rest in the corner of his mouth. Isak can see the wheels turning in his head.

 

“How could you…” Isak begins. He just does not know what the fuck to even say. “Even, you can’t do that!”

 

His voice rises without his consent. With everything that he had read on the internet, he knows that he should not react this way. He knows that he should not yell or accuse Even. That it would only make things much, much worse.

 

He should be calm, he should tell him he is there for him. He should ask Even what he needs from him to help. He should tell him that all he wants is for Even to be safe. That he wants nothing more than to know what he has to do or say to help Even help himself. He should let Even know why… why this upsets him so much.

 

Even throws his arms up and lets them drop heavily back to his sides with a loud smack.

 

“I’m tired of it.” He says his voice rises in volume as well. And holy fuck. Isak thinks they are actually going to have their first screaming match. Their first blowout fight. It is definitely not a good feeling. “I’m so tired of everyone telling me what I can and can’t do!”

 

“Even!” He shouts his name in exasperation. “Don’t you get it? It’s not about what you can and can’t do. You… you… you lose it when you smoke. I just want you safe! Your family wants you safe! Can’t you understand where we’re coming from?”

 

“No, _you_ don’t get it, Isak!” Even cries out. “You don’t get it!”

 

“Then help me to understand!” Isak insists helplessly. “Tell me why this is so important to you that you risk your safety and hurt the ones who care about you!”

 

Fuck, this is coming out all wrong. Everything he is saying is coming out wrong, but the words keep slipping free. The accusations.

 

“You can’t!” Even stresses. “You can’t understand because… because your brain doesn’t fuck with you every time you have a little too much to drink, or, or, smoke a fucking joint, all right?”

 

Isak just stares at him, hopelessly. He knows Even's anger isn't directed at him. It's achingly obvious that Even is pissed off and frustrated with himself.

 

“I just want to be normal, okay?” Even says. “I just want to be normal like almost every other fucking being in the goddamn universes! I want to be able to smoke a jay and have a night where I can drink with my friends or my boyfriend without the possibility of losing my fucking mind!”

 

Isak swallows and the room goes quiet and Even is breathing hard, his eyes travel down to the floor.

 

“It’s not your fault, you know.” Isak’s voice goes soft, all the fight draining out of him.

 

“I know that…” Even’s voice drops to meet his. “I know that and maybe that’s why I just do things and try so hard to ignore the fact that at any moment, I might cycle into a manic state. I say, 'fuck it' and I think, ’tonight won’t be that night’.”

 

Isak lets out a sigh and tries to collect himself.

 

“I’m sorry.” Isak tells him.

 

Even’s eyes drift up from the floor to meet his, they look extra blue in the fading light coming in from the window somehow.

 

“For what?” He asks. “It’s not your fault either.”

 

“No…” Isak says slowly, his voice continuing to drop. “For yelling at you.”

 

Even shrugs and Isak walks over to him slowly and puts both of his hands on Even’s upper arms gently.

 

“Let's just take a breath and chill for a minute.” Isak suggests, and Even lowers himself slowly to the floor, letting Isak guide him down.

 

Isak sits too, breathing slowly in and out. He climbs onto Even’s lap facing him and takes his hand, directing it to rest flat against his chest and holds it there with both of his hands, letting Even feel his heart rate return to normal and his breathing slow. Even’s eyes find Isak's instinctively and he starts to match his breathing, trying to calm himself.

 

When they both seem relaxed enough Isak lets Even’s hand slide away from his chest and laces their fingers together.

 

“Now, listen to me Even Bech Næsheim.” Isak says. “Are you listening?”

 

Even nods his subtle characteristic nod, eyes moving slowly back and forth to keep focused on Isak’s. Isak’s tongue comes to rest between his lips and then slips back into his mouth.

 

“We’re at a crossroads here, but I need you to understand something.” Isak says. “You’ve helped me to understand why you… and I can’t physically understand, so… I hear what you're saying. Now I want you to hear what I'm saying.”

 

Even says nothing, just keeps his eyes locked on his, listening.

 

“When you smoke… that means there’s a chance I’m going to lose you.” Isak explains. “Physically, like when you were in that last mixed state. When your mother said you were so down you wanted to end your life. Or mentally when you go off into that faraway place where I can’t get through to you.”

 

Even remains silent, clearly hanging on his every word.

 

“The thing is…” Isak says softly and pushes back the lock of hair that has fallen over Even’s forehead. “I want you _here_. With _me_.”

 

Isak can see the guilt filling Even’s eyes and the tears welling, but Even does not look away from Isak’s face.

 

“I don’t want you where I can’t see you, where I can’t reach you, where I can’t touch you.” Isak tells him, fingers sliding through his hair and behind his ear. “ _I want you here with me_.”

 

And really, what can Even say to that? How can he argue?

 

Even’s tears spill over and down his cheeks and Isak does not reach out to wipe them away. He lets him cry. Lets him feel. Lets him get all the pent up emotion out. He thinks he probably needs it. He imagines it probably feels cathartic.

 

For whatever reason, Isak does not cry. But he thinks maybe he wants Even to know how serious he is. He wants him to know how goddamn important this is.

 

“You understand?” Isak’s voice is just above a whisper.

 

Even nods again, emotion choking his throat.

 

Isak does not want him to feel ashamed and yet, he thinks it’s possibly a good thing in a way. Remorse can be a positive if it wakes you up from your destructive behavior.

 

He leans in and rubs his cheek against Even’s, even though it transfers the wetness of his tears onto his own cheek. He then wraps his arms around Even’s neck, pressing their bodies together completely.  He feels Even’s head come to rest on his shoulder and his arms wrap around his back.

 

“So... can you stay with me?” Isak ask right by his ear and presses a kiss there.

 

“Can you?” He prompts when Even doesn't respond.

 

“I can.” Even whispers, his voice trembles, but he just holds onto Isak tighter.

 

 

 

 


End file.
